a unfiltered reminder

many thoughts,  conflicting, sad, grateful. and every emotion i could have felt i felt in this connection.
messy but let my thoughts spill today..
why do i love?

to my bestfriend.

i love how you're kind, thoughtful to everyone around you.
was i sad at times when i thought i feel neglected above everyone else you cared about? yes.
but did you make the effort to make me feel special at times? yes.
i love how you always try your best, the little things, you don't say words, but actions, you'd get me grocers when im lazy, talk about my intentions and work to people.
perhaps not in the way that i wanted back then.
i loved you because you saw my soul in every sense, the good the bad and the ugly.
you let me be grounded.

you were a keeper of my soul.
you saw my intentions, my love and my effort.
i love how you try to bring everyone together, even though its awful draining to you. but you'll still try for people you care about.

i love how you asked me so subtly on christmas day. even though i joke how i wanted to be asked grandly. looking back, i think its cute & special.
i love seeing you when you're still in bed when i get home from my job.
i love how you get tired and fall asleep everywhere even tho i get annoyed. sometimes.
i love how you. get excited when you some a new hobby to be passionate about.. re: harmonic, film...
i love how you get worried. trying to impress my parents.
i could list a lot more really.

i dont know anymore, i feel like i just do at this point. and that no matter what.
i actually still might, be it together or not. and i've come to terms with it.
because i think i really just want you to be happy, (as cliche as it sounds)
i dont have what ifs with you anymore.

its a safe & peaceful space now.
because what is meant to be will be mine. (cliche pt. 2)
& i trust that wholeheartedly.