Monday, January 26, 2015

Two thousand & fifteen

2015,
It's a new year. I haven't kept this space updated because i've always been fickle minded.

I've been pretty turbulent this past week. I felt a lot. I hated it. I felt like i was losing grip of my emotions. The actions of others affected me suddenly. I was lost and the mere thought of not being able to control my feelings was terrifying. I never cared, so why do i now? But it's starting to be better now. I hope it stays this way.

Earlier today, someone asked me, do you even feel/care about anything? Honestly, i don't know. I've always felt it was better to feel nothing than something or maybe i've grown accustomed to being this way. It scares me sometimes. That i wouldn't allow myself to feel anything more than what i feel is acceptable. Everything is on the surface. Letting myself feel deeply about something or someone is hard to do. Then again, i never let it reach to the point. I weigh the risks too carefully and my distrust in people will never go away. I want to feel, at some point of time though. I've always wanted, but i don't know if i can. But for now, nothing will change. Everything will merely just be, same same but different.

The only thing i remember that came with falling in like - pain
(i'm no longer familiar with how lovely it was then for me & could have been)

Till the next.